Full House, Full Hands, Full Hearts

Being Mom

I am not a fan of email forwards and often don't even read them, but a friend sent me this one this morning (thanks Missi!) and I got a good laugh.

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and three kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework and complete science projects , cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, and keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years
eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

(Personally I think three kids is letting them get off pretty easy!!!!)

Guest Blogger...

I am a guest blogger over at Segullah today. Come on over and read. :)

I am completely wiped out this morning... we played THREE softball games in a row to kick off our tournament last night. We won two and lost one so are still alive and will play again next Monday night... if we can walk again by then!!

Tragedy

I feel ashamed about my little whiny post yesterday after what occurred last night.

Our AAI family was struck with tragedy last night, when four armed men attacked AAI's Eban House (their orphanage in Ghana). None of the children were physically injured, however one of the staff members was raped repeatedly to "get" her to tell the thieves where the valuables were hidden. This woman's name is Esther, and the reports are that she was amazingly brave and quiet to try and keep from waking the children. Four of the older girls (ages 7 and 8) saw this horrible, hideous event happen and we've been told that they were also incredibly brave, and were praying out loud.

And as if Esther's physical and emotional suffering are not enough, it is custom in Ghana that when a woman is raped, her husband divorces her. All because she tried to protect the children and material possessions at Eban House. Our Ghana coordinator, Anita, (who I love dearly) will be leaving for Ghana as soon as possible, and of course her focus will be on helping the children and staff heal emotionally from this nightmare.

However, there is also a huge financial loss. The men got away with two laptop computers, a digital camera and $1,200 in cash, which is a fairly major financial loss for a small adoption program that focuses on placing older children and sibling groups. The loss of computers will significantly hinder communication with the staff in Ghana, and their administrative work.

If you see fit and would like to donate to Eban House, you can go through the "donate now" button on the  AAI website (and there are separate funds for Eban House and for Esther). Also, if you are a religious person, the children and staff, especially Esther and the four girls who witnessed the brutality against her, definitely need our thoughts and prayers to lift them through this terrible time, and please also remember Anita in your prayers as she travels and tries to comfort the children and staff.

Thanks for caring.

ARGH

One of the downsides of working from home is there is no getting away from it... no break. People call you at home, they email you at home... work is always there. We did go back to Bear Lake yesterday and had an awesome day, but I was dealing with a variety of drama before and after, and it continues today.

I am just going to say that is has been a very, very long weekend in many different ways, and if I wouldn't highly regret throwing this computer out the window shortly after doing so, I would have done it already.

Our new buddy

A week and a half ago we had a new addition at our house. Meet Rocko, who may just be the world's best dog ever.

Back around Amanda's birthday, she was pushing REALLY hard for us to get a cat. She really, really, really loves kitty cats (especially white kitty cats). But Marcus is allergic (and has breathing issues) and his doctors recommended we avoid kitties, and we were advised not to have a litter box around Solomon and Belane (at least while they are young) since kitty poop can be hazardous to HIV+ people, kind of like it is for pregnant women.

We already have one wonderful dog... Jazz, a black lab... but Jazzie lives outside because Jazzie is happiest when she is wet and dirty, and she works really hard to be wet and dirty as often as possible. (And when I say dirty, I mean like "frequently rolling in the cow field next door" dirty. Yeah... that's REALLY dirty...and highly stinky...and really unsanitary!).  She loves the kids and is a lot of fun but after trying to keep her inside for over six months, we finally just gave up and let her live outside. We have a full acre of property so she has plenty of running room and the kids play with her and walk her all the time (and she sleeps in a dog bed in our garage at night). She joins us for walks, hiking, swimming, camping and sledding too (and she is the perfect dog for that stuff).

But the kids have REALLY wanted a pet inside... so I toyed with the idea of a kitty and even spoke with one of the ladies at our humane society. We decided a kitty just wasn't a good idea, but I told her that if they ever got a small, non-shedding (or low shedding), house-trained dog that was good with kids and was a breed that was good for people with allergies, we might be interested. I didn't want a puppy because they are way too much work for the life I have! I didn't really think anything would ever come of it, but they got in two little dogs that are Maltese/Poodle crosses (both non-shedding breeds that are recommended for people with allergies). A woman had gotten them from a breeder and they were her babies, but she got married and new hubby said "no dogs".  She was really heartbroken to give them up but didn't have much choice.

One of the dogs barked a ton and was afraid of little kids and big men (of which I have both) so clearly wouldn't work for us, but the other little dog they thought might just be perfect for us. I took Marcus and Solomon over to meet "Romeo" and it was love at first sight for all of us. He is two years old, only weights about 10lbs and has the best disposition. He loves the little kids, is very calm (but does enjoy playing), has not had a single "accident", has not chewed on anything, doesn't whine or bark much and loves, loves, loves to snuggle with anyone and everyone. He does not shed a hair and has not bothered Marcus' allergies the slightest bit.

Josh decided that the only thing about the little dog that wasn't perfect was his name, so "Romeo" was changed to "Rocko". (I vetoed "Rambo"). That would have been truly Ridiculous.

He sort of looks like a mix between a Muppet and a teddy bear, and has the personality to go with those!

While he has pretty much claimed me as "his person" he loves everyone. All of the kids love him to bits, and he is never short on getting love and attention, but Amanda is particularly smitten with him. I was eavesdropping on her the other day and she say on the floor petting Rocko. Amanda said in a soft, lovey voice,  "Rocko, you are so so soft. And you are so white and pretty. And you are so little. And you don't shed. And you don't go potty in the house. And you are so snuggly." And then after a pause, "You are ALMOST as good as a kitty." Indeed!

HIV questions

Andrea asked, "If an HIV+ woman wants to have a baby doesn't she have a bigger chance now not to have a baby that is effected by HIV because of certain meds she can take or something?"

HIV+ women can definitely have healthy babies. And, HIV+ women are now able to live long, full lives so that they are there to raise their children. If a woman that is HIV+ has an undetectable viral load and is committed to her treatment and has been adhering to her anti-retroviral therapy, with proper monitoring and treatment, there is better than a 98% chance that her baby will be born HIV negative. I wrote about this more in this post after the topic was addressed on a Grey's Anatomy episode. But in a nutshell, HIV+ women who want to be moms and take care of themselves, can definitely expect to have healthy babies.

This morning I got done finishing a FANTASTIC little book on HIV called "100 Questions and Answers About HIV and AIDS" by Joel Gallant, MD, MPH.  The book is written in very "plain English", so that when you read it, you feel like you are having a conversation with someone, not reading a medical book. I "knew" most of all that I read, but it was great to hear a lot of it again. Some of the things that stood out to me, that I just wish everyone knew are... (these are in my own words)...

- People who are HIV+ have an excellent prognosis (when treatment is available) and have close to normal life expectancies.

- People living with HIV that adhere to their medications (and have treatment available to them), will almost certainly die of old age or some other health complication (just like the rest of us!), and not of AIDS.

- The stigma and "social and historical baggage" behind HIV make people react much more dramatically to HIV then they should (medically speaking). The author stated that in reality, the reaction to an HIV diagnosis should not be much different than when someone is diagnosed with diabetes or rheumatoid arthritis, and he stated that HIV was EASIER to treat and manage than diabetes or rheumatoid arthritis, and that the medications for HIV were far more effective than what is available for those other two conditions.

- It is amazing how far the treatment has come... in about 15 years, in the U.S. and other countries, HIV has gone from a death sentence, to a chronic and manageable disease. The medications and treatments have improved by leaps and bounds... something the author referred to as a "triumphant, unparalleled success." I am so grateful to have this treatment available for my Belane and my Solomon.

-  When you take sex, drug use, and child birth/breast feeding out of the equation, HIV+ people are just NOT any threat to those around them. The author said that people should not waste their time worrying about "weird and obscure ways of transmitting" HIV, and that if "no one shared needles and everyone wore condoms during sex, the HIV epidemic would disappear." My kids are not a risk to anyone. Other HIV+ kids are not a risk to anyone. What a better world it would be if everyone could just understand that.

And as exciting and wonderful as it is to read all of that, it is also very frustrating and heartbreaking to know that while people in the U.S. with HIV have such an excellent prognosis, that millions of people around the globe are still dieing of HIV/AIDS because the rest of the world has not made it a priority to get treatment to them.

We have come a long way and made a lot of progress in fighting, preventing and treating HIV, and yet there is still SO much more that needs to be done.

Questions

I am not the best blogger at answering questions from comments, so I am going to answer a bunch of questions I have gotten lately in this post, and from now on I will answer questions in comments in my own comments on the same posts. If you  have any questions you want to ask me, feel free to leave a comment on this post! :)

Question - How do families with HIV+ children travel? I've often wondered that as that "famous" pair (the new parents of twins) travel around the world. I am not quite sure what you mean Anne... We travel with Belane and Solomon quite a bit and it is not a big deal. We of course have to pack their medicine in our carry-on bags (which was quite a lot when we were going to NY for two weeks and I had to bring meds for both of them) but there are not any restrictions on airplanes with liquids when they are prescription medications. One of Solomon's meds has to be refrigerated, so we also have to carry a little cooler bag with an ice pack, but again that is really not a big deal.

If you mean how do you travel internationally, we have not done that yet. I know most people that are HIV+ of course just don't mention that they are when they are traveling, and hope that their meds don't "give them away". I was just reading an article about a bunch of AIDS activists that are traveling to Mexico for an AIDS conference from the U.S. and were hoping they wouldn't have any trouble at immigration. One mentioned traveling a lot and never having any problems, but always worrying that she would.

Question - What rafting company did you use? We used Mad River in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, which we found out AFTER we signed up, was the only rafting company in Jackson to never "lose" a client (yes... by "lose" they mean death!)

Question - How do you pronounce Belane? Belane is pronounced almost like the name Blaine, however it is two syllables, with the emphasis on the second syllable. The first "e" is short (like in bed) and the second "e" is silent. "be-LANE". That was her name in Ethiopia. :)

Question - Who is our audiologist? Her name is Adrienne and she is at Primary Children's/U of U.

Let me know if I missed any and if you have any other questions. :)

Immigration for HIV+ kids

Starting today, Monday, the Senate will be debating and voting on the PEPFAR (global AIDS program) bill. This bill includes a provision to strike the legislative ban on people with HIV receiving a US visa.  All of us who have adopted or are adopting children with HIV have been affected by this legislative ban. Senator Sessions (AL) has introduced an amendment to strike this provision, leaving in place the discriminatory provision excluding people with HIV from receiving a visa.

 Equality for Adoption Children (EACH)  has asked for the voices of families who have adopted or are adopting children with HIV. Of course voices from others who want to support families adopting HIV+ kids are also welcome!! Contact your Senator's office by either sending an email or placing a phone call.  You can find information on how to reach them here. If you call, ask to speak with the legislative assistant who works on PEPFAR/ global AIDS issues, or the assistant who works on adoption issues. Ask them to vote against the Sessions amendment. For additional information, see the below attached talking points, which were prepared by Carolyn Twietmeyer and Leslie Raneri with Project HOPEFUL.

Adoption specific justification for repealing the visa ban

-Families adopting children with HIV are singled out as no other families adopting healthy or special needs children are in the immigration process. Other diseases and medical conditions are much more costly and burdensome, yet families adopting even the healthiest child with HIV face extra costs and burdens in their adoption process.

-Families adopting children with HIV have already undergone home studies examining their fitness to parent a child with a special need and specific knowledge of HIV, financial ability, background checks from multiple sources, and multiple other verifications.  They have already been declared to be their child's parent or guardian by both the foreign government and the US government (through USCIS).

-Parents in the adoption process consult with HIV providers prior to bringing their child home to obtain knowledge of care for children with HIV and to assure that their child can obtain prompt care once they are in the United States. The adopted child with HIV can be immediately enrolled in any group health insurance plan, like the parents' other children.

-Although the HIV travel ban can be waived for children being adopted by US citizens, it causes additional burdens for their families and extends the time and stress associated with their adoptions.

-Families must obtain letters from the physician who will care for their child, in some case requiring multiple trips to a medical center that is not closely located to them. They must go to the local health department to obtain a signature from the public health official, which can take multiple trips and time from the public health department. They must obtain a special letter from the insurance company stating that their child's HIV needs will be covered, and often have to argue with insurance company representatives for this letter. These additional time and expenses are not accounted for in the burden assessed by the waiver process.

-Families adopting children with HIV have to sign a statement saying that they will educate their child about HIV so that their child "will not be a danger to the United States." Families adopting any other child do not have to sign such a statement.

-Although they have already paid the fees for their child's adoption expenses, travel expenses, and visa fees for the adopted child's immigrant visa, the family adopting a child with HIV must pay an additional $545 per HIV+ child for the I601 HIV waiver. This is not required of families adopting a child with other serious medical conditions.

-After submitting the HIV waiver to the US embassy staff, the family must wait additional days and weeks for this to be approved. Depending upon the staffing of the embassy and offices around the world, this can easily create risky situations for the child's health and the family's safety as they are waiting for the waiver to be approved. Compared with families adopting children who are healthy or who have other medical conditions, families adopting children with HIV have had to wait longer times in cities and countries that have State department travel advisories and/or with a child who may be medically fragile. This is due to the time for the visa waiver to be processed and approved for the child or children with HIV.

-Due to the waiver processing time, families must plan to spend more time in country than families adopting healthy children. This results in higher costs for food, lodging, and airplane ticketing since the departure date can be less certain. They concurrently must make more lengthy plans and incur additional expenses for their family and other children waiting at home compared with families adopting a healthy or non-HIV+ child with another medical condition. The time waiting for this waiver to be processed is very stressful for all family members involved. During this time, the HIV+ child is subject to other infections or situations that may threaten their health unnecessarily given that they have a loving US family who is waiting expectantly to give them the care and love they deserve and need. HIV- siblings being adopted at the same time may be additionally traumatized by being separated from their HIV+ sibling due to their immigration visa being processed much more quickly. Alternatively, all siblings have to wait for the HIV+ sibling to obtain a visa waiver.

-HIV+ children and their siblings are some of the most vulnerable internationally adopted children. Their families have educated themselves and prepared to parent a child who will have additional medical, emotional, and social needs throughout their lives. Families who have undertaken to adopt these children out of love should not be additionally burdened and treated differentially in the process. There should not be a statutory ban that delays the unification of these families and children who have waited so long.

Woo hoo for Josh!

We just heard today that Josh has been officially hired to be a football coach at our junior high. He applied for the job a few weeks ago and has REALLY wanted it. He is VERY excited!!

It does mean that he will be coaching all school year long now (he also coaches indoor and outdoor track and field), but the money is good (and we need it), he is great with the kids and he loves coaching. AND, Nathan is going to be playing junior high football this year, and I think it will be a great think for Nate and Josh to do be involved in football together. Yay Josh!!!

12 years

Yesterday was our 12th wedding anniversary (can't say we got 11 kids in 11 years anymore!)   :)

And if you checked out the pictures in my last post, you know that our little getaway involved white water rafting!! It was SO much fun... when our trip was done, I wanted to go and do it all over again. We live just 30 minutes from the Snake River and yet it's the kind of thing that we haven't done together yet (for time and money reasons).

We left here on Friday night and stayed in a beautiful hotel together (just 30 minutes from here). We spent a wonderful night together, and then took our time getting just ourselves ready in the morning. We enjoyed a fabulous breakfast at the resort, and then drove another 45 minutes or so north, up to where we were to start our rapids trip. We got there early and spent some time walking around shops that we wouldn't normally (with 11 kids behind us) and had fun just being a couple and being able to give each other our undivided attention.

We got to the rafting company at about 1 pm, and signed the waivers and I changed into a wetsuit. The air temperature was a high of 79 and the water temp was a frigid 50 degrees, but Josh opted to go without a wet suit. BRRRRR! (I was cold WITH the wetsuit!)

I had signed us up for the "small rafts" because they are faster and you get a lot wetter. They hold up to eight people and we ended up with Josh and I, two women from Florida and our guide in our raft. Josh and I got the front of the raft and I honestly could not have been any wetter when we were done if I had fallen in (which I never did, although our guide did fall out of the raft in one particularly rough spot of rapids!!)

We had such a "big" winter here (meaning we got a TON of snow) that the water is very high and rough for this time of year, which made for a lot of fun.

We met people from all over the country, and it was really neat to think that we live somewhere that so many people come to vacation. The Snake River (and the rafting company we used!) has been featured in quite a few commercials and movies, including "A River Runs Through It".  It is DEFINITELY something we are going to do again.

After rafting we got changed and cleaned up, then did some walking and shopping, and then we had dinner at a nice restaurant. We drove home, kind of sad that the getaway had gone so quickly!! We got home around 9pm, just about 24 hours after we had left.

The kids all did great at home, and Uncle Eli and Auntie Steph seemed to be pretty ok too. We are SO grateful they were willing to babysit for us!!

Yesterday we all went to church, then had a nice dinner together as a family and watched a movie together. The kids were really excited about our anniversary and that we went on a "real date".

And while I can't even remember what life felt like without Josh by my side, it is crazy that it has already been 12 years since we were married. Twelve years ago I was 19 and he was 21 and everyone thought we were crazy and wouldn't last. Now people still think we're crazy, but for different reasons!!  :)

Life is good, and I can't imagine spending it with anyone else.